Sunday, June 18, 2006

Wanda The Wonder Dog

ADVENTURES OF WANDA, THE WONDER DOG


I hate to brag but when I look around and see my competition in the neighborhood I know I am the top dog. You might say that I am fearless and will not back down from a fight. I make sure the hair on the top of my neck and back stands up straight and my tail goes straight out so I look bigger and more dangerous. My growl is to die for because it sounds so intimidating. This is just a tool I use . I make sure all the other dogs know that this is my territory. I say what goes around here and I expect to be taken seriously. The minute I step outside of my house I let out a few barks just to make sure I have everyone paying attention. Listen up. The Wonder Dog is on patrol.


You have nothing to fear from me unless you are trying to do something bad like come into my yard or knock at the door. Just remember I own this territory and you should never forget it.


Wanda The Alpha Girl


Everyone seems to think that guys are the tough ones and that girls stand back and let the guys take care of them. No no no. I can tell you truthfully that I am one female you have to reckon with. I can shoot daggers at you with my big brown eyes and when I show my teeth, you know that I am not a dog to try and put in second place.


When I go on walks with mom , I carefully sniff where other dogs have eliminated and make sure that I make my mark right over theirs. By the time I get home I am worn out and do not have much supply left. I have to save up for the next walk.


Those Golden Retrievers are true sissies who can be backed down real quick. Everybody makes over them and says they are so sweet but sweet does not make it in my book. They just wander down the street with their tongues hanging out smiling at everyone and wanting to have everybody as friends. They could never be Wonder Dog like me.


There is this one big boy Golden down the street who has learned to run by my house not walk. He hears my growl and runs like the devil is after him. I almost break down into a grin when I see him turn tail and run. There is another one of these goldens who walks with her mom and dad and just freezes when she sees me. I do not have to do anything just growl and show my teeth. I heard my mom say that you just walk softly and carry a big stick but with me it is my warning growl. You simply have to look the part and convince everyone that you are good to go if someone or some dog is trying to push you around. I like to think that I have it down pat and do not even have to work up a sweat looking fierce.


It kind of helps also that I am a German Shepherd because people and dogs automatically pause when they see my size and my build. I am all black and weigh about 80 pounds, all muscle of course. The little dogs do not even want to look at me and insist on moving to the other side of the street. Delivery people who come to the door usually are wide eyed and step back when they see me come to the door. Someone who is a stranger would think twice about trying anything funny around our house. Burglars beware. I am on duty 24-7.


I like to bark but I have to tone it down a little so mom does not get in trouble with the neighbors. Usually I just let out a few just to announce I am coming outside and then back off as long as no one is trying to give me any mouth back . Mine is a very low bark instead of one of those silly high yelps that the little dogs give.


It says 'Pay attention' because I am not all talk. You would be surprised how many people immediately try to sweet talk me and tell me I am a good girl but that does not get me off track. I am on duty and maintain an attitude that shows I am not going to be softened up and made to let my guard down.


Wanda The Detective


Nothing misses my attention. I am naturally curious and want to explore. I will go up and sniff and maybe lick to see what I think. Nothing gets past me. I want to know who people are and what business they have coming to my house. Even when mom or somebody else who lives here comes in from being outside I want to smell them and make sure I cannot detect any other dog smell.


I like to find hidey holes in the rooms in the house where I can lay and look out without anyone paying much attention to me. That way I see everything. I am especially watchful and curious when I hear anyone starting to fix or unwrap food. I put the clues together right away and figure if I am fast enough, maybe I will get the first bite. I can look real innocent and charming when I am on the search for food. I am never pushy but I will let my eyes speak for me. They say 'please feed me'.


I have learned to open doors to get in and look around a room. I figure that is why I have paws. Mom says that is a real unusual ability for a dog but I am humble and just figure I am blessed. I like to get around without letting people knowing where I am. I have found things dropped like pieces of dog biscuits, a piece of candy not eaten, or a toy which I have not been able to find for a while. My Kong is my treasure. It is hard to admit as a great detective that sometimes I forget where I put it and have to go on a big search to get it back. Mom always knows when I am looking for my Kong and joins in to try and find it. She knows how important it is to me. She says it is my security blanket. I would not go that far.


Wanda And The Water


I love to go swimming and will go in without a thought. Sometimes I can get someone to toss my kong into the pool and I go fetch it. I know. It sounds so 'average' for a Wonder Dog but the kong is my favorite play toy. I can play dangerous with it sometimes. When grandma takes me down on her dock to show me the jumping fish I accidentally let my kong fall into the channel. You should see the look on her face. She looks so worried like she willl not be able to get to it in time. But I know how spry she is and she runs and gets the pool skimmer to rescue my kong. It is pretty funny to see her move so fast. She tells me that there are alligators in the channel that could eat my kong but I know she is only trying to scare me into keeping the kong away from the water under the dock.


One time mom came out and threw the kong towards my mate, Berry. I did not think for a minute and jumped for the pool where I thought the kong would land. OOPS. The pool cover was on and I landed right on it making a complete fool of myself and grandma had to help me get off the darned cover so I could swim to the edge and get out. How embarrassing.


Seriously though I try to show mom that if I can get in the pool regularly, she will not have to give me a bath but she says the chlorine is not good for my skin and I can only go in sometimes. I go love to go to the beach into the Gulf water and go after my kong which mom really throws out there. The waves are neat and I can swim better than Berry any day. I do hate to get that sand all over my skin and in my eyes but it is worth it. There is no better feeling than swimming in with the waves. I see all the humans smiling and cheering me on. Berry meanwhile bites at the waves then later gets sick. Men. What can you say.


Wanda And The Black Snake


I do not like rabbits running in my yard and the squirrels are the same way. I chase them off quickly and they know better than to cause any trouble. There are some squirrels that like to climb up on the tree and chatter at me but I just ignore them. They won’t come down for a fair fight. In Florida there are these huge birds they call cranes and when they see me walking their way they take off screaming.


There is this one problem. This black snake about 6 feet long lives around my house. Usually I just bark and charge and he runs away. But recently he put his head up and hissed at me. Can you imagine that? The nerve of that snake. He seems to be growing pretty much every time I see him. He likes to slither along the flowers and the garden area. Mom says he has his place and takes care of creatures we don't want around. Well if I could talk I would tell her that I do not want this black snake around. He gives me the willies.


You are just walking around doing your business in the yard and then there is he is. Imagine not even having the good sense to avoid a dog who is taking care of toilet business. This snake has to go. I have not figured out how yet. I tried to get Berry involved and active in getting rid of the snake but he just ignores it. Maybe tough old Berry is a little afraid of the snake too but he is all caught up in the macho thing, being a male and all. This snake is living on borrowed time. His days are numbered. It just takes patience and determination. I am on it.